~0~0~0~ WeT DaY ~0~0~0~

Hmmm.... so shiok to slp n stay in bed.... didnt reali slpt well last nite even though the weather was to die for... woke up to the ringing tone of Qing Tian... but was simply to tired n slpy to talk... most of my replies were either a weird sound or a one word reply... dunno how long it went tt way... i guess it wasnt too long since we always ended the call the min the train comes....

Contiued to laze in bed until almost 7.40am before me got up to go bath n all.... Left home to buy breakfast n our YSL... finally... pay's in but i still dun feel all tt good.... was mentally calculating my expenses n was like damn... its gonna be a rather tight month... *ArGh* Tink i might jus skip a month of payin my mum back for my school fees... damn... so broke manz... alamak... hopefully my mum's ok with me skippin a month... or else....

The nite before was kinda peaceful... my didi called me n as usual was on the phone talkin... was watching PCK bloopers while on the phone with YH while he was on his way back... goodness was so funny i cldnt stop laffin... Hmmm.... it took him less than 10 min for a bus ride fr Orchard to his home n less than another 5 min to walk home... piangz!!! So near... *HnG* Unfair.... takes me so long to go home... actuali to go practically anywhere from my place takes at least 20 min... sianz...

Was watching True Files when YH called... Talked to him n was laffin n all... cldnt quite remember wat we were talkin abt when i told him wat roro commented abt me writing abt my tots n feelins all in here n evyone reading it... she den asked me if Hong-Ge or the others didnt say anything after reading mehz? den Hong-Ge must be happy la is it? I was like i dunno how he feels cos he doesnt reali talk abt it... normally comments on the others but nothing abt the both of us lor... not reali bothered abt how others feel or interpret wat i said lor... let them tink how they wanna tink... i felt tt if they didnt bother to talk n ask me or clarify matters den its to their loss n not mine. If they prefer to make presumptions from reading then so be it.... i cant help or chg things too...

Wat YH said next reali chged the mood of our conversation. Didnt noe whether or not to be happy, sad, hurt or wat... had a misture of feelins goin thru me... cant quite explain wat its like... he was like sayin i dun see the need to tell u how i feel or whether im happy r not. Even after reading I dunno where i stand still.... hmmm.... dunno where he stand still? Ok lor... Oh Ya!! Roro... YH asked me to thank u for callin hm Hong-Ge n not Hong Hong....

After hearing wat he had commented lots of tots came into my mind but i jus cldnt reali figure out wat i was tining abt... cos of this, i kept quiet n didnt say much... YH kept askin it all was alrite n wat i was doin den... as usual... when i didnt wanna say much or didnt noe wat to say, i always said nothing... ok wat... wats wrong? nothings wrong... he was like erm... orh ok...

After a while he asked me wat time it was n i was like 11.26pm... he was like oh 4 more min den we go slp ok? or smething along tt line... cant quite recall.. onli remembered sayin nvm u go slp now la... Den YH was like y wats wrong? Evytime we talk abt us onli yr attitude n voice wld chg... earlier on we were still laffin n jokin n u werent like tt... y r u suddenly cold towards me? *siGhz*

Still cldnt quite get over wat he said... was feelin kinda xing suan lehz... damn... haf this fear or confused feelin tt things btw us wld 1 day chg n bcme like things btw garry n lawrence... wonder how they both r... hafin mixed feeling nw... Miss YH but at times refrain myself from tellin him even though he keeps tellin me tt he misses me n tinks of me all the time... doin this cos i feel tt i shldnt push him deeper into the hole which he has dug for himself... believe its oredi deep enaf... imagine bein buried in the hole which u've dug for yr ownself...

Aft a short while later i guess he sort of gave up tryin to pacify me n said tt he was goin to slp... *sigh* Though i didnt wanna end the call but i guess it cldnt be help n in a way it was beta oso... god noes wat might haf happened if we continued talkin... rec'd a msg from YH not too long after sayin tt he was sorrie n all for wat happened....

Goodness... it made me feel even worse since all this wasnt his fault at all... But i was reali glad to receive a msg fr him... caring n sensitive enaf... Sorrie baby... i know im being the selfish one here... hmmm... shldnt keep u hangin in here... tts y i replied wat i did to u... seriously it wasnt yr fault tt all this happened... u dun haf to apologise for it... As a matter of fact, i feel tt i shld be the one who shld be apologising... Dun u tink it will be beta if u didnt spend too much time n effort in tis since u dunno where u stand n which direction we r moving to... Sldnt put too much feelin in it lor no matter how willing u r... esp since i myself dunno wat im doin... or beta yet... dun talk abt this anymore since each time this topic arises, things happen...