~~~ GoT mE tiNkin ~~~

HH called last nite n we started talkin on the phone... been so long since i talked to him... hmm... kinda miss him... actuali i reali dunno wat my feelins for him r like... same goes for mel Joel n garry... *coNfUsEd* Hate it manz... smetimes i hate myself... so indecisive...1 way or the other i keep hafin tt feelin tt im like playin with them n all... but then again i noe tt im not... dun wan them to feel tt im cheatin them on their feelins n all cos im not... reali feel smething for them... but i jus dun wanna make tt promise or commitment... not too sure y oso... m i waiting for smeone? Afraid tt smething bad may happen? Dunno wat i reali wan or rather who? Fear of gettin hurt again? Dun wanna lose them nor the feelin i haf for them but on the other hand i cant be selfish to hold onto them n all... *sIgHz*

Anyway was talkin to him n things were goin on well... laffed n joked... jus abt how we always did n den things took a turn... good or bad i dunno... started to seriously talk abt things btw us n i realiesed tt i dun like him like i used to as b4... it meant smething more than tt... well actuali i haf been hafin tt feelin for awhile but i jus didnt seriously went to tink further abt it... i was like hw is tis possible? Hw can i haf sort f the same feelins for each of them? Its jus not possible lor... m i reali cheatin on their feelins? DO i reali noe wat i wan? or wat im doin or not? DaMn!

Things sort of got too serious... i told him things... actuali more than wat i shld haf... it came to such an extend where HH jus said y dun we jus not contact each other for awhile... n i was like sad n sort of like hurt... had tt achin feelin in my heart... the last i went thru tt feelin was like last yr... wats gettin into me manz! Started to tell him how i felt n all.. didnt tell it to him b4... cos wasnt sure of things n didnt wan him to pin too much hope since eything was so uncertain n all... aft hearin wat i had to saw he started to sound so sad depressed n dejected tt to a point i tot i heard him tear! Kinda got more sad n all esp since i was the cos of wat he was feelin n goin thru.... Shld haf said this to u when i was on the phone with u...

"I'm reali sorrie n sad tt such a thing happened... Didnt wan things to turn out this way.... Didnt mean to hurt u n make u so sad n confused... Treasured the time we spent... Although i may haf said alot of things to u... ultimately i reali hope tt u'd nt said wat u did n wish tt things wld haf been able to continue as b4...." *Not sure y but i haf this feelin tt the conversation we hd was to be the last we will haf for a long time....* Had my reason when i said NO aft u made yr decision n asked to still stay in contact... u noe y i said no... explained to u many times... didnt want u to get even more hurt n sad... feel tt i noe u well enaf lor... i was rite abt many thing n also the things i sad were all correct... esp the part in u makin tt committment.... Reali felt so depressed n all yesterday when i heard how u were like n all... n even today *xin xuan* *cross my fingers n toes if need be tt it wldnt be the last.....* Felt abit distant fr u oredi.... i dunno y... mayb cos of the msgs i rec'd fr u today... it sort of doesnt haf tt warm feelin anymore... nor were the msgs frequent....

I tink... nah i guess its beta to keep away from such things at times... at least no one wld get hurt n all... : (

Anyway i dun wanna talk abt it liaos... more depressed onli... ArGh!!! : ( Anyway the course today went well... wasnt as borin as how i tot it wld haf been... hmm.... but there wasnt anyone the same age as us... evyone was like aunties!!! BeH TaHan! Went Compass Point with roro n met up with LianHoon for dinner... Updated her on the recent happenings... n she too was surprised.... expected la... walked ard for awhile n came back home... tts y decided to beta starte updatin b4 too many things happen... tink i'll end here for now... too many pple buggin me now... cant reali concentrate wat i wanna n focus on my tots... but i guess this is the main bulk of it.... m anticipatin for the course to end tmw... den i can start pamperin n njoyin myself...

Chitra: Eh darlin... heard u not joining us ah? Haiz.... nvm den... the next time ya.... Miss YA!!! On n Mdm too... kekek... C ya guys on mon ya... :)

Jimo: Heard another of yr fren joinin us ah? Hmmm.... wonder wat u're up to...wahaha... :P k la... cya soon... Miss U too... :)


I can't take it, wat m I waitin 4? My heart's still breakin & I Miss U even more. I can't fake it The way I cld b4...