wAt a WeeK it'S bEen.....

Week passed kinda fast... had things to do in ofc on certain days so it wasnt all tt bad... but smetimes was bored to death... thank god i had icq connected... or i tink i reali would have died... hmm... stayed over at my baby's plc since fri n came home on sun... was great... celebrated zhizhi's bday on sat but smehow things didnt turn out they way i hope it would haf.... wasnt in the mood to celebrate much cos had smething on my mind.... had tt uneasy n unpleasant feelin as usual... haiz...

"Paisay ah zhizhi.... make up to u another time hor... thanks for understanding though... :)"

Had sme misunderstandin with my baby n it kept buggin me from b4 we left his plc to meet the others at east coast until the moment we came back. Didnt reali njoy myself much oso... come to tink of it i cant reali remember wat it was like tt day... it was like i was zombified n went thru tt few hours not knowing wat had happened n all... was totally not myself tt day....

Dun tink i'll wanna mention wat happened cos its kinda too personal... anyway wat i felt was nontheless horrible..... neva tot i'd feel tt way with my baby... *siGhz* Unexpected... hard to describe those feelin... tink it came as a shock for me at first as i cldnt comprehand wat i read... had to read it so many times... n when it finally sank in i was like devastated... not sure if tts the right word cos it sounds to harsh but i guess tt at tt moment tt was how i reali felt...

Had a mixture of feelin goin thru me throughout the whole time... many qns n all... didnt noe wat to tink or how to tink straight... didnt want to jump to any conclusions but smetimes its inevitable to..... i guess its natural instinct... but still i tried very hard not to let it affect my judgement and thoughts or else i tink i wld haf gone berzerk... Cant explain how i felt then but one thing i knew was tt i felt heartbroken n tt it was difficult for me to trust as much as i did.... although this isnt wat or how i wanted to feel but deep down tts how things are...

It'd be difficult to gain back tt trust i had n even believe... though i'll keep tellin myself i haf to... i noe tt somehow, unintentionally.... the qn of whether its true or not would come to me.... its so contradicting... on 1 hand i noe tt he isnt the sort but on the other i'm doubtful.... dunno how to explain things oso... *siGhz* tink the best is not to tink abt it n aft smetime things would jus fade... i jus hope tt the the same or even similar incidents wont occur again... or else when tt time comes i wouldnt noe wat the consequences would be...

In a way, im glad tt i had the talk with my baby. At least he noes how i felt n how i reacted to his explantions... i jus hope tt he'd remember wat was said n learn from it.... He can reali be forgetful at times..... M prayin tt the same incident wont happen again n tt he wont repeat the same mistake.... I wont noe wat the outcome would be or how i'd feel if it did...

Cant take another blow to my heart n feelins tt i've given him.... Dun tink i'm prepared to go thru it all over again... It'd be worse of this time... This i noe for sure.... It's like we've come a long way n i wouldnt want anything to jeoperdise the our relationship. I hope he feels the same way too..... Wateva it is we'll move on from here n see where things brings us to.... Been happy with him since day 1 n i serious hope tt this would continue thruout.....